This is a really difficult one to answer, as I am sure there are as many reasons as there are Midlife Crisis men. It's hard to say that specific issues cause the crisis, because one hundred men can all be affected by the same issues and only ten of them may react in ways that we consider to be a Midlife Crisis. There are, though, some common considerations and so we will take a look at them. My aim, as always, is simply to provide you with information so that you can assess your own situation, your own husband, to better understand what is going on in your particular circumstances.
Midlife Transition
First of all I will say that all of us go through some form of transition at midlife. It is one of the natural passages of adulthood. We go through a period of reflection and assessment, we look at our lives thus far, what we have achieved and what we haven't. We re-evaluate what we want to be and do in the second half of our lives and we adjust our course accordingly.
For some of us this transition happens almost at the subconscious level, we go though the process as an integral part of our daily life. For others there is a time of reflection and introspection, there can be pain and regret as well as hope and redirection. For others though the transition process can hit a brick wall, or never really get started.
Men who go into what we call Midlife Crisis do not seem to be willing or able to work their way through the evaluation process, they appear to simply "react" in overdrive mode. I am not a midlife man, so I cannot say for sure, but it seems to me that these men are used to being able to solve problems, they are used to assessing a situation, figuring out a solution and putting it into practice. Then midlife hits. There is usually some trigger which makes them aware of their mortality and they realise that life is not all they want it to be and so they make changes, usually drastic changes. Those changes can take many forms, but obviously the ones we are concerned with here are those changes they make that affect the marriage.
This is a very simplistic summary, but I hope it helps you to understand that it really is not about you. It is all about him. You did not cause it, it is a life process that he has to go through, how he handles it is up to him. And unfortunately you cannot explain this to him. He really does just have to figure it all out for himself. If he has decided that you are part of the problem, then you cannot also be part of the solution. You really do need to step back and let him run his course. Take care of yourself in the meantime, build the best life you can, wait as long as you feel you want to, he may come back, he may not. You can't control how this goes for him, but you can certainly control how it goes for you.
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